Anxiety of the future...

It growing...

First of all, it of this year.
In the first place, I set my targets to get my self some better social/acedemic experience and challenge, to pacify my feel of self-childishness. I'm trying to grow up spritually, be independent. So, I'm going to the states for summer research, and I'm doing all the main planing of this summer's ride trip (Wuling), then, next summer, arrange to go biking in Hokkido. OK, so, sweet and grand plans, sure challenging. Now comes the problems. As the plans pan out, the expenses sky-rocket. Let's see, summer ride trip: 4000; to the US: over 30000, I guess; summer housing: Not found, but may be as much as 30000; GRE: 6000...... (all in NTD) I feel like a money sucking tick. And then I saw in the NY times that gas prices in the US are incredibly high, talk about my need to go between LA and Rancho Cucamonga each week, maybe I should cut that. And I may need to get a new notebook and backpack for the summer.

So, I just canceled next week's class trip. Guess I'd also have to cut back on the lavish bedtime snacks. And I'd certeinly be tutering next semester. But hay, I still can't find housing for the summer in LA, ARRRG!

And then, I'd be homesick for bad in 2008. 'Cause after I graduate next year, my ARC/student visa would be expired for good. Next time I come back "home", I'm a "tourist". Taiwan is where I spent most of my life, where most of my friends are, where most of my memories are, but I'm not part of it, I'm just a damn-ol' "foreigner". And the immigration office wants me out of the country within days of my graduation. No time to celebrate graduation, no time for rest, no time for party, no time for saying good-bye; it's just "pack and flee". On to the "familiar, but not so familiar" US, where the officers smile at you and say: "Welcome home!" This all seems like a parody. The place where you set up your self-identity, wants you out of here fast, like you're some kind of pest or something.

OK, it's approaching. My last year in Formosa, the island of beauty. Starting summer 2007, I'm out of here, no longer a resident, away from everything I know, I love......

OK, I've made up my mind. Before I leave this country, I want to ride around the island once again, savor all that I see, all that I feel, and remember for good, the wonderful tropical island.