Distress

Once again, I screwed up on my experiments. The set back it self wasn't that hard to accept for me, as I was half expecting this result. I was a little so anxious to get it done yesterday night that I proceded even though I don't have enough of my sample, not enough enzymes and not so good a situation. However, these constent failers make me feel in dept to our lab, taken all the resources and money that I sort of wasted; and all the help everybody provided. I really wanted to get the molecular part of the project done with and move on to cell lines and viruses. But today's results made me have to make a fresh start, and simply let almost all that I have done in the past 3 months go down the drain. So much for the hard work.

But the real scarry part is that a look at my schedule revailed that I've only got 4 avaliable weeks left (1 day free per week) of the remainder of the semester. The mid-terms, finals, and TOEFL exams each taking out 2 weeks. After that, winter break gets eaten out by Chinese New Year, when no body works(OK, an empty lab). Then GRE preperation takes out the whole of next semester. And then school registration and other stuff might take out my last school year here. My little goal seems more and more distant.

Why does everything that I love seems to get farther from me with year? OK, the whole point of getting in to a good university was to get into a lab and do experiments to explore the world of science: my life goal since childhood. Then now I have to sacrafice lab work for a better lab in the future. Also, school romance, which most normal people crave for, is not just screwed up, but essentialy hopeless to me. Making wrong decision, being shy, and choosing the wrong girl brings major consequences. (Now is this situation what "learned hopelessness" , which was mentioned yesterday in psychology class, ment?)And, as I don't have time for lab work, the same goes to bike club activities.

Great, I always hate it when you are faced with time distribution and allocation of resources. However it seems that this is essentially the norm of life. Some how, life seems to be designed to be hard to enjoy.

"Life is like a straw, it sucks."