Saturday, June 10, 2006

Independence or intemacy?

Sometime ago, I've been reading the book , which discusses developmental psychology from a woman's point of view. Since most of the developmental psychology theories that we've read in our psychology text books are based on studies on men, it's nice to see how different it is in the other sex.

It is usually stated that from ages 18~25, people are in search of intemacy. Gilligan corrected this by substituting the "people" above to "men", and then giving us the other half of the story. Men, from their childhood, are always in search of independence, so in their post-adolscent ages, they need to fullfill their other need: intemacy, which, since they're unfamiliar with, are kind of afraid to face it. Woman, on the other hand, are the antithesis of this. As girls, they are adept in handling intemacy, while reluctantly face independency when they grow up.

That's the case before the 80's(when the book was written), I guess. Now, we are in a different age, when woman are more, will, indepedent. I now see my female friends all doing great with both indepedence and intemacy, while many of us boys are still afraid of intemate relationships. Seems that girls have advanced in their development, while boys are lagging behind. Maybe I still have some growing up in this part.

However, the theory seems to confirm in my case on the independence part. From grade school to collage, I've been switching districts each time I graduate, starting with a fresh pack of classmates eachtime, never seeing an old friend in the new school. I even attended a highschool far away from home for a better education and the adventure of going into the city alone. Next step, for grad school, I'm going to the US. Leaving the country, leaving all my friends behind, for a better future, for the adventure of the unfamiliar. Yup, I'm always on a plan to get farther independence alright. But intemacy? Left for fortune to decide. Should I fix it? How? When? I'm not sure, for now.

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